Live Q&A
Handling Fireworks With A Sensitive Child: Q&A with Lizanne du Plessis
Q&A with Lizanne du Plessis, OT & intentional parenting counselor
View the video replay, or scroll down for the text-only summary.
My son is 5 years old; we have been trying to attend the annual fireworks in our city since he has been a baby but it always ends up in him having a huge meltdown. The family is unhappy, we miss most of the display and have to return home early.
We try to prepare him by showing him fireworks on the iPad before, he is excited to go but then meltdown. I’m all stressed out this year. We have great childhood memories of family times at the fireworks but it seems he is messing it up for all of us.
Lizanne: I remember those days. We use to celebrate fireworks in November when we lived in England for a long time. And at that point in time both of my little ones were sensory sensitive.
- Each one of has unique sensory temperaments and unique sensory thresholds.
- Our individual thresholds underlie our behavior and our responses to our environment.
We tend to try to tell our children not to worry, rather than showing that we understand that they do not feel fine.
- Have empathy. Express sympathy and recognition that the child does not feel fine.
- Look at the child’s behavior – where is the behavior stemming from.
- How can you support them?
One of my children is fine with fireworks and the other one is not, he hates it. Why would that be? (6:32)
Marga: I think that is as Lizanne said we all have different thresholds.
So many times a child would be very shy because they are different than others. They don’t know why. So, often they think they can handle it like the others, but in their little body they feel very different than the next person.
So they think they are not brave.
- Give that message to your child. It’s okay, you are different and that is not wrong to be different, it is okay to be different.
- Then put in different strategies to help to get through something that overwhelms them so they know how to help themself.
Are strategies something that the parents can ask one of you and book a consultation on CoordiKids.com? Would it be any strategies or would it be uniquely to the child?
Marga: People are more than welcome to talk to us in that first 15 minute free consult. Its amazing what you can say in 15 minutes or share.
It is very individualized so it is not something that will work for everybody.
And even if I put a sensory lifestyle or guide in place, I always say we will have to trial, because no two persons are the same, kids don’t experience things the same, but we can certainly give and view strategies.
Lizanne: Yes, I agree as a first contact with parents what we would like to do is to get a sense of what we are dealing with so we will probably do a kind of assessment. Whether we do that in the 15 min or decide to do that or on a separate meeting and do what we call a “sensory profile” or “sensory temperament profile” so that we can find out what we are working with.
In my book Raising Happy Children, I try and use the analogies of animals and help not only parents but children.
So, I try and use analogies of animals to help parents and teachers and children to identify their own sensory temperament.
But also, their siblings and their friends.
And I use the analogy of a Hedgehog specifically if we are talking about sensory sensitive children, because they tend to have a low threshold. Hedgehogs remind me of those kids because they are small – similar to a small threshold.
What they do when there is stress is similar too. They do one of two things: they either crawl up into a ball in other words they want to avoid.
Or they put out their spikes, and that could be the aggressive type of behavior that we see.
- Identify the thresholds.
- Identify different strategies to try. So, if we help children and parents to identify the thresholds that we are
Would it be wrong to give your child notice cancelling headphones? Could that work?
Marga: Definitely noise cancelling headphones to reduce the sound and overwhelm. But here are a few tips and additional strategies:
- Don’t use the headphones for the first time on the evening on the way to the fireworks! Practice with noise-canceling headphones many times before using them at an event.
- Small children can be wrapped up tightly in a blanket being held. Deep pressure always calms children in overwhelm.
- Pressure garments also work, if it’s not too hot. They can wear that under their clothing.
Rini: what about a towel?
Marga: Yes, so a towel but the kids are also sensitive so they don’t want to look different than the other children. So those garments that you wear underneath clothes help quite a bit. So, nobody sees it but the child feels more comfortable.
And with lightning, you can actually just have them wear baseball hat, or sunglasses. Sure, it looks funny at night time to be wearings unglasses, but it’s more subtle than a meltdown.
Lots of sensitive people like to have their hair with fringe (bangs) or their hair in their eyes or to cover their face or to shield out the light.
Lizanne: I was thinking even a hoodie or a sweater with a hoodie that is very socially appropriate. That gives children a sense that they are safe.
The brain is going into flight or fright what that part of the brain needs is to feel safe. So, what they need to feel is deep pressure and this is one of the senses that will make them feel safe but also self-predictability, we will talk about that.
I was also wondering about headphones. How do you know if it’s the noise or if it’s the light and the flashing? So is there a way to find out if it is auditory or sensory sensitivity to the light?
Lizanne: I think with all of these things we are always looking for a cluster of symptoms.
All of us have strange likes and dislikes. That does not necessarily put us in a place that we have a sensory processing disorder or where we could really say we have tactile difficulty or auditory defensive. So, it is all about a cluster.
I think if we want to see or specify if it is the sound or the light, then look during the day at your child’s behavior. Do you think your child is auditory sensitive towards other sounds? For instance: dogs barking a motorcycle passing or airplanes passing.
Or going to the public toilets, using the hand dryers.
If all of those things are something that is causing defensive or avoidance behavior in your child then it is probably more auditory sensitive.
Then on the other side, with lightning we ask: does your child respond in a way where they want to cover there eyes when they walk outside the house? Do they complain that the sun is too bright? Do they complain when they are in the car and the sun shines in their eyes?
So, it’s about picking up on day to day living what other things are your child showing in terms of those two sensory systems. And then I think you can pin point more clearly: do we need to deal with the auditory sensitivity or the visional sensitivity.
Marga: I also think we need to keep in mind that once the child is anxious of whatever they might be auditory sensitive then they become very anxious because of all the noise around them, too. And in that state, you are sensitive to all senses.
Once your body is in that flight or fight mode, you are sensitive to everything and that is what we want to avoid. So, we don’t want to get there. We want to step in before the child gets there.
Often the parents say yes, I did all these strategies you mentioned but it did not work.
And when I ask when you did it, they did it after the child showed signs of anxiety already then it already will be much harder and you put more on top of the child. So, it would be better to step in as soon as possible.
One of the best things as you said Lizanne is to empower the child so that they understand themselves and they feel yes I am scared of fire works but it is okay to be scared, name it and identify the emotion or the feeling it is okay but we can do this and that to help.
My 3 year old daughter is terrified of wind and storms. It is difficult to calm her and she sleeps very little during the storms and most nights in our bed. How can you give this parent some tips or strategies how she can empower the 3 year old when the storm is coming. Is there something they can do beforehand or tell her?
Lizanne: I think it is trickier. I think with a little one we tend to always talk about having to prepare our children. I think it is very different preparing them for going on an outing, or watching the fireworks.
When they wake up in the middle of the night with a storm, there is very little preparing we can do in this situation.
I think we can cause more harm when we are putting the child to bed and we say they predict there is going to be a storm tonight. Then we might struggle to get them to sleep, so in that instance I do not think that is the best thing to prepare them.
Then we have to work in the moment. If the child comes to you during the night and is scared of the storm there is not much that we can do in that moment other than just comforting them.
- Deep pressure
- Soft toned voice soothing them that we are safe.
- Be specific: “We have a roof that keeps us safe. We have strong walls that keep us safe. Mommy and Daddy are here to keep you safe.”
The only practice I’d recommend is if you want to pretend to make a storm using rainmakers and the light switches. Let them practice tolerating the sound and light changes, feel their heart, feel they are safe.
It’s all about learning how to self-regulate in the moment. But like Marga said it is important that we practice those things when they are calm and alert not in the moment.
Marga: Yes, I agree with everything you said and its also that thing of empowering a child to know what to do. To think about all the things that keep you safe so you use your mind to figure out: I am save I don’t have to be scared, and that makes it easier.
Somebody I know did a lovely thing: the child loves balloons and he knows how balloons burst, so she would say, “watch the clouds. When they burst that is the thunder and the rain comes out.” So when they hear a storm, the child says, “The clouds are bursting tonight.”
Lizanne: this reminds me we don’t want to underplay sensory temperaments but again children are looking at us when they have big feelings to know what to do with those feelings. I know I tend to be very comforting.
My question is not about fireworks or storms, but shopping malls my son has a very bad behavior when we visit a mall. We want to make it a pleasant family outing but it always ends up with him in tears. Could this also be sensory overload? Is it all the people or the lights? What do you think would be the reason that it is always a meltdown?
Marga: A shopping mall is usually a busy place there is usually lots of light, lots of colors, lots of shops who want to attract our attention.
Kids don’t know where to look and what to focus on it is just to overwhelming.
I actually had contact with an adult who had a brain injury and after that he had sensory processing disorder. It was fascinating to me listening to him, he was so scared he cannot go into big shopping malls.
So yes, all the strategies that we mentioned before, we can do for that little girl or that boy. Try to practice go to smaller malls initially and bigger malls. But inevitably, there will always be some people who can’t stand a mall, and others who tolerate it.
A parent is asking is it possible to prevent sensory issues in children? My baby is almost one year old and I don’t want her to suffer as much as my older child does. Is it something that you can prevent?
Lizanne: the research is showing us that to a certain extend that sensory processing disorder is genetic.
But research is also showing us that the brain is changeable we can change the brain, plasticity is the neurological term we are talking about and that is why we do what we do.
We believe that even if you are born with this certain way of processing sensory information that the brain can change the way it does its processing. So, I always say to parents when we are dealing with a sensitive little one: we try and help them find ways of coping and we change the way that the brain processing information.
We are not necessarily going to end up right at the other side of the spectrum and now have a child that is not sensitive at all. That is not our goal. Our goal is to make them function more and for them to be able to go to the shopping mall.
Yes, they might not like it but they might be able to go there quickly and get what they need. Or they might be able to face the lightning storm or fireworks or whatever it might be.
So that is the goal and we believe that yes the brain can change, and that there is a place that we can get where they are functional and can deal with their own sensory temperament, within the fact that they don’t necessarily need to change but they can be functional.
Marga: I think the big thing is to observe your child really well and if you notice anything step in and do something as early as possible, and teach that child strategies and help to.
There are lots of things we can do from a therapy point of view, to help those kids, from a very early age and directly or indirectly you help the parents as well because then life is just easier going forward.
Lizanne: I applaud that mom in try to look at it early as there is value in doing that as early as possible.